I am always thinking about fear, and how it can stop me if i let it. When I started my business as a photographer five years ago, I was fearless. I was 20 years old and nothing could ever stop me from pursue my dream. And so many people told me that it would never work, the buisness do not have more room for more photographers. They tried to put fear in my head. I never heard them. I was driven by passion and it spoke much louder than fear. It screamed at me. You can! Go girl!
But passion have a way of fading out after a while, if you don't keep your why in shape, when you compare yourself with everyone or when you work your butt of so you no longer have a clear road infront of you. That happend to me. I loved my job too much that I took every job I could take. I felt blessed that people wanted me. My inspiration faded, when I didn't take care of it. I compared my self with everyone. And that is a dangerous place to be in. When you have lost your voice by working to hard for the wrong reasons. When you need others to confirm you.
There it become a switch. My photography has never really been about me, I have always wanted people to feel loved and beautiful. And suddenly began my photography just be about me. And my self worth. So I worked more and more. Everyone that wanted me. And at the end, I felt anxiety about shooting. One of the things I love most in life. So I got physically and mentally ill. I had worked my self in to a halt. And I didn't understand it, because I love my job.
After that, I have rebuilt my entire life and company. The company (and my life) is not anybody's opinion any more. It is all me and my dreams. My heart's vision. I slowed down, I wanted to give my clients all of me and not only a stressed out part. My clients means the world to me, so I have build a company that they and I deserve. My company is now my values, and who I am. So I can give it to them who have the same values as I have. It do not fit everybody, and that is okay.
So fear kicks in. And let me tell you. Working yourself to an end is nothing compared to deal with fears. The power fear has is so strong. Will anyone hire me now? Should I go back to what I did before, even when it wasn't right? Will anyone have the same values that I have? Will I fail? What will my family say if I fail? Stop just stop. Fears is the one thing that will stop you from implement your dreams. "I wish I did that, and that and that." Fears want to hold you down and prevent you from growing. Cause, growing is scary. What is the one thing that made you grow the most? Exactly, the things you had so much fear about, but did it anyway. After that you felt 5 meters tall!
It is when we get stuck in our own heads that fear will sound like the sound of reason. You have to do. Relax and go. I did. I still got some fears that it will not work, but I am still here. And I do not have any regrets. I could never have been happy with my company if it didn't reflect my soul. I work with my heart. I want people to feel loved and beautiful. I want to inspire. To the extend that I had to gamble. I needed to be open for failure to be able to do this. fear can not stop me, then I will end up working with something I do not love and have I life that do not fulfill me. Were I can not help and inspire other people.
My life can not be only about me and my fears, I need to be a blessing in other people's lives. And I know that I can be that with a strong sense of why in my life. Why I do what I do. Feel what I am feeling. Why I care so much about you. It makes me want to get up from bed in the morning, even when fear is around the corner.